DEVOTION # 1 - PSALM 63

Psalm 63 Is familiar to most of us…a psalm of David during one of his wilderness experiences. This was most likely when his son Absalom rebelled against him and tried to steal his throne.

1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

9 They who seek my life will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.

10 They will be given over to the sword
and become food for jackals.

11 But the king will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God's name will praise him,
while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

In the midst of his desperate situation, David cries, “O God, you are my God,” This is evidence of a covenant relationship with Almighty God and a faith that enables Him to claim God as his own. All of us have a testimony of a time when we entered into a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. As one pastor said, “It’s great to be a NT saint.”

His soul thirsts for God. His flesh faints for God. One commentator says this, “By the two words “soul” and “flesh” [David] denotes the whole of his being. He directs all his desires to God. This is such a great picture of Matthew 6:33, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

His memory of times in corporate worship and “beholding God’s power and glory” in the temple sustain him. But, David’s relationship with God was not based on ritual and ordinance. He experienced the manifestation of God’s glory and power in worship.

David wanted God more than he wanted the joys of life. This is a great reminder that we worship not out of thankfulness for God’s blessings or the gifts He has given us in life. Rather, God alone is the object of our thirsting and fainting. Paul says it this way, “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

David’s words are full of hope. He knows that he will be satisfied with a richness and fullness that far surpasses any food or drink in his stomach.

His response is praise through song, communion through prayer and a remembrance of all that God has helped him through in the past. He’s persevering. He says, “My soul clings to you.” He rejoices in God as if victory had already come, displaying glorious hope and confidence in his God.

How much more then should we hope in Christ and his finished work on the cross. It is finished. He’s done it all. “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” We have that eternal hope!

Here are a few questions that I have been asking myself:

-Whether I am in a state of blessing or trial, does my heart experience a thirsting, fainting and longing for God?

-Do I worship God as life-giver and gift-giver in all His splendor rather than settling for merely the satisfaction of the blessings He gives? Or, who/what do I love and trust more than Jesus?

-Are my times in corporate worship rich and meaningful or am I just “going through the motions.”

-Do I find my satisfaction and joy in Christ?

NEUROLOGY UPDATE

Sorry it's taken me so long to get this update posted! I have wonderful news...all of my tests came back negative except for one bloodtest (the ANA - lupus/autoimmune one) that was slightly positive, but a false positive happens often with this test and the other bloodwork associated with these disorders was negative. So, I will have 4 more bloodtests just to make sure. I will see the neurologist again in two months for a follow up.

The doctor is fairly certain that I am one of those cases of unexplained neuropathy. He said that he is extremely relieved to have ruled out all the major stuff, that I'm super healthy and that he may never be able to know the cause of the numbness and tingling. He also said that he is hopeful that the symptoms will eventually go away! Even if they don't, he encouraged me that it is much easier to deal with the minor discomfort than have to face many of the diagnoses that could be causing them. He also reassured me that the symptoms are real and not in my head or a result of stress. I guess he sees this kind of thing a lot. That was good for me to hear, because I've often tried to make the sensations go away by not thinking or worrying about them. I'm freed up to just let my body feel them and trust the Lord for the future.

So,we are rejoicing! :) I've learned a ton through all of this...of course God wanted to use this situation to change me...He has shown me that He is faithful regardless of my circumstances and that He is the true life giver...why should I worry about a single moment! Thanks to all of you who have prayed and expressed concern for me. I'm overwhelmed with thanksgiving! And, the most latest blessing is that I have experienced some relief from the symptoms in my hands...praise the Lord!

Health Issues: the history and update.

Many of you have asked for an update on my health issues. Some of you don’t know that anything is going on, and I’m very sorry to be so out of touch (especially Anchor ladies). So, here’s all the info. And, I have to say that blogs are very useful in this way!

THE HISTORY

I had surgery for scoliosis in June of 1989, with a Harrington rod, two hooks and lots of wire fused to my spine. There was a complication during surgery where a vertebra hit my spinal cord and caused a loss of ability in my left leg and foot. I had to have physical therapy to walk afterward.

I had little issues with my back or extremities for seventeen years. I noticed a slight difference with my left leg and foot and an occasional "restless leg" sort of feeling on that side. Doctors have noticed my left leg to be "hyper reflexive." During that time I delivered three children without difficulty. After the birth of my third child in April of 2006, I began to notice symptoms. At first, they were very subtle and it took me a few months to realize that something was wrong. I went to my primary care doctor in August complaining of aching down my legs as well as some other symptoms that were indicative of a possible thyroid issue. All of my bloodwork came back normal. My doctor said that he was concerned about my lower back. He ordered an x-ray of my lumbar spine and referred me to a spine surgeon. It was at some point during this time that I began to notice numbness and tingling in my legs and feet.

The spine surgeon seemed fairly confident at my first appointment that the bottom hook was causing the issues. To be sure, he ordered a CT Myelogram. They shot dye in my spine, which resulted in a week long spinal headache and the neuroradiologist sticking me again to perform a blood patch. The results were exactly what the surgeon expected, a gross compression of my spine at the T-12 level. He performed surgery to remove the hook and the lower third of the rod. At this point the numbness and tingling was at it’s worst. He said that it could take up to two years for my spine to recover and that he did not know how much damage had already occurred.

From April 2007 until now, the numbness and tingling has become more pronounced and more recently has moved to my hands and arms. I called my surgeon’s office and he wanted to see me again. He ordered an MRI of my cervical spine due to the symptoms being in my hands now. The MRI looked good from his perspective and that is when he referred me to a neurologist.
My symptoms tend to be constant now. I notice some pain, especially when I put pressure on the numb hand or foot. Cold temperatures seem to make them worse. Also, they seem to be more pronounced when I’m tired. I have had "restless leg" type sensations on several occasions, with the left leg being more prominent.

VISIT TO THE NEUROLOGIST

My appointment last week went very well. The neurologist listened to all of my medical history and conducted a thorough exam. He asked me to do all sorts of things from walking on my toes and heels to running the heel of one foot down the leg of another. He had me close my eyes and tapped one of my fingers and asked me to touch my nose. I think I "passed" most of these tests. Then, he looked at my optic nerve…he looked at the right eye much longer than the left. I’m not sure what that means. I noticed a jar of big safety pins when I walked in. Just as I suspected, those were the pokers. There are pros and cons to numbness I suppose. The con is that I don’t know what’s causing it and it could be serious, but the pro is that the pokers didn’t hurt that much. In fact, there were a few times when I could barely feel the stick. And there was an obvious difference in the right and left sides.

After the exam, the doctor explained all of the diagnostic tests that he was ordering. I will have a brain MRI, an EMG (testing peripheral nerve responses) and tons of blood work. He’s testing me for everything from diabetes, lupus, syphilis (kind of funny), forms of cancer, circulatory issues, thyroid, imbalances and B12/folate deficiencies. I suppose if all of these tests come back negative, I will feel like I’ve been blessed with pretty good health. Still, something is causing the neuropathy. I asked the neurologist specifically about viral and bacterial neuropathy, because I’ve done some reading on this and know someone who had it. He quickly said that he does not suspect an infectious related cause, but rather is curious to know if I have inflammation somewhere in my nervous system.

So, there you have it! We’ve scrambled this week to fit all the tests in our schedule and I have a follow up appointment to review the results a week from Friday. (Thank you to my friend who works with the doctor for arranging such a quick follow-up!) I’ll be in touch with another update soon!

Auld Lang Syne

Happy New Year! I started singing "Auld Lang Syne" to my kids this week and realized that I had no idea what any of the song meant. So, I went to the source for information, Wikipedia, and found some translations of the phrase. Literally it means "old long since" in Scots. Some more modern translations would be "for old time's sake" or "to the good ole days."

In the U.S., we sing the song to ring in the New Year. But in Scotland, it's sung for different occasions, including the last song of a dance. In Taiwan, it's sung at graduations and funerals. In Japan, some restaurants play it to let customers know they're closing for the day. I gather the take home message is, "This is it! The end! Goodbye 2007...goodbye high school and great grandpa...get out of my restaurant." Or maybe it's really just another Gaelic drinking song. (No prejudice intended as I married into an Irish family, formerly the O'Morans.) I still think it's a drinking song, though. I suppose the meaning of this well known tune shall remain a bit unclear.

I've been contemplating for weeks what I hope to do differently in 2008. I can make a list of 100 ways I want to change or 100 goals I have for myself, my marriage and my kids. I'm sure some of those items on my list will happen, by the grace of God, and others will not. I bet there will be many things that happen in 2008 that I am not expecting or asking for...possibly some really hard things. I imagine there will be wonderful things that happen too, that I will have never imagined. I think of the verse, "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it's the Lord's purpose that prevails." (Prov. 19:21)

So, in 2008 I want to live life in the power of the Spirit and not in my own strength. I want to "BE" more than "DO." I want to care more about people than things. I want to serve rather than be served. I want to worship God instead of my own desires. I want to wait patiently on the Lord and trust Him with each new day that He gives. I want to "taste and see that the Lord is good." That's something I can drink to!

"And there’s a hand my trusty friend !

And give us a hand o’ thine !

And we’ll take a right good-will draught,

for auld lang syne."